Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Runnin' on Empty

I have no right to complain. I'll say that first. But, I'm going to. This pregnancy has been HARD. It is double the pain and exhaustion. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes this time and it is a pain in the butt (no, I don't have to take insulin shots---yet). I have to write down all that I eat (it will help me get prepared for Weight Watchers again) and stick myself 4x/day. But, I am going to play the optimist too: it is short-term and if the result is 2 healthy babies, then it is MORE than worth it.

My worst feelings throughout this pregnancy have been my lack of patience--especially with Owen. Once he is gone to day care or school, I could cry because I lost patience with him. He cries more these days when things don't go his way and I get SO frustrated. I raise my voice and this morning I took his cheeks in my hand and made him look at me while I told him to stop crying. I feel terrible that I am not myself for him--that he has to put up with a cranky, uncomfortable mom. Getting him dressed is so challenging these days. Yes, he should probably dress himself, but then I'd be waiting til 5 PM to get out of the house. So, I try to bend over my enormous girth and get his clothes on with very little cooperation on his part.

I hate that I am all sour grapes and can't just enjoy this pregnancy. But it hurts!! Every move I make reminds me that my pubic bones are screaming. It feels like I have ridden a horse across the country and back.

How insensitive of me--I kind of started my blog when we were having TROUBLE getting pregnant. I read a lot of fertility blogs (or should I say infertility). I have no right to complain when I have two babies inside me. Yet I do.

I am not looking for sympathy. It is just hard. Then, I think about the monumental task of parenting all 3 children in a few months and a whole other bucket-full of doubts creep in.

I know children are resilient, but I should be a bigger, better person. I am an adult and I should be able to treat my 3-year old respectfully all the time regardless of whether I feel like crap. The hormones are raging, but he doesn't understand that.

I know I'll make it--one day at a time, right? Just wish I could take back every little moment that I lose patience with my son. He deserves so much better.

Any suggestions on how to fill this empty tank are welcome. I have less than two months left (c-section is scheduled for January 4). I hope they come before that, but we will handle what we get.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Child Care for 3??

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning about child care. She asked if we had figured out what we are going to do once the twins come. No, we haven't. The thought of trying to figure it out makes my head spin.

Currently, I am working from home part-time and it is nice right now. But I long for more. I miss the office environment. So, my thought is to cobble together enough family to help from March-June next year so I can get in about 20 hours in my current situation--just to bring in a little money. Owen would still go to his day care 2 days/week. Of course, this presumes that my current employer will go for this and I can find some warm bodies to come help 2 days/week. Then, I would try to find a real job in the summer and Mike would take over. Then, when school starts again, well I don't know what to do then. I am thinking maybe a live-in au pair? Does anyone have any experience with obtaining one? This all assumes that I get a decent paying job. If I can't, then it becomes a wash--having 3 kids in full-time day care would be $1800/month. OUCH! Now I realize why people don't have as many kids these days. The option for me not to work and stay in our current home is not there.

What do people do who don't have to worry about money at all? I know we are very blessed and have more than most. I know that. But to not have to factor $$ in to decisions would be a huge shift. I don't know what I'd do.

Any and all suggestions are welcome.

I am becoming more and more uncomfortable. I am still 3 months from my due date, but I feel like I am just about ready. I am trying to enjoy every minute of solitude and peace while we wait for our world to change. I am savoring every cuddle with Owen because there probably won't be as many come January. I am relishing my full nights of sleep too!

It is Fall and it is beautiful: changing leaves, crisp air, cold nights, apple cider and cozy sweaters. It is Mike's favorite time of year and I think I may have to concur.

Thursday, August 31, 2006


We had our 20-week ultrasound on Tuesday and everything looked fine. The tech gave us 98% confidence that we have two girls on the way. We told Owen and he cried. He wanted a baby brother. I guess he'll have to get used to not getting his way all the time.

I am feeling great and am measuring like I am 30 weeks pregnant. I must confess I kind of feel like I am 30 weeks pregnant. All I can do is do the best I can and hope they stay in there as long as possible.

So, now we prepare. I can finally buy those little girl clothes that I admire when I shop in the paltry little boys section. We are starting to toss around names more seriously. It is still weird that we have to name two babies. TWO GIRLS! Wow....

Monday, August 28, 2006

Sweet Sara

After a very stressful few weeks trying to figure out what to do with Sara, we were presented an option. Is it perfect? No. But it was the best option considering our choices.

To catch you up.. in my last post, I talked about how Sara (our dog) bit Owen. After contacting several foster shelters locally, we feared that we would have to put her down. So, I emailed a bunch of people in hopes that they might know someone who knows someone. A woman I work with sent it to a friend of hers who told me that he would help. And help he did. He got us hooked up with an organization in Roanoke, VA called Angels of Assisi. They do many things and one of them is taking dogs in and finding homes for them. They normally don't take dogs from the public, but this guy helped us get her in there. We dropped Sara off there two weeks ago and I proceeded to cry (bawl) for a long time. It was like leaving a child, and we couldn't even tell her what was happening. She was scared.

Although it is not ideal (ideal is that she never bit Owen in the first place), we feel that she has a chance now. I hope that a loving couple comes to her. If you look on their website under adoption, you can see her. She is a sweet, sweet thing. The hurt of what we had to do creeps up on me frequently. She never asked for this. It wasn't her fault that she was abused. However, this is the way that it has to be. Our other dog doesn't seem to notice at all. He is not well known for his powers of observation!

On a lighter note, tomorrow, we have the BIG ultrasound. I don't really feel pregnant. Yes, I am bigger, but I don't feel the babies move much at all. I think I've only felt them a couple times. So, I worry. I will be happy to see that everything is OK. AND, we are going to find out what we are having. I was always firmly in the camp of NOT finding out (sorry, Jennifer), but we feel differently this time (you are welcome, Jennifer). It is our 2nd (and 3rd) and it is twins. Somehow, that makes me feel like we should know more. So, stay tuned. I'll post tomorrow about what is baking inside of me.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Dog Days

This post relates to 1. the heat of the summer and 2. our current situation with our dog, Saranac (Sara).

1. It is darn hot up here in Upstate NY--I can't even imagine how hot it is elsewhere.

2. We rescued a mixed breed puppy from a shelter in Fincastle, VA 6 years ago. She was a petrified little thing but we were so taken by her timidity. She has come a long way. We believe she was abused before she got to the shelter. She has always been very afraid of new people--especially men.

Since O was born and started walking, she has warned us several times that she didn't like his movements or grabbing. She has growled and shown her teeth. Well, she went one step further yesterday. Owen was coming up the stairs after he had gone potty and was swinging his underwear. He came up on her quickly and she was startled. She bit him on the ear. She didn't break his skin, but we feel that she has warned us for the last time. We are very afraid that the next time she gets spooked, it will be more serious. We just cant't take that risk.

So, it is with heavy hearts, that DH and I have decided that we need to find a new home for her. That is the easy part--making the decision. The hard part is getting it done and having to think about the possibilities. If we put her in a shelter, I know she will just get worse. She'll be so afraid. What if nobody adopts her (which is a good possiblity)? I can't even think about it. As soon as I do, I start crying. It tears my heart to think about it. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves better, but we can't give it to her in our home. She is a sweet, sweet dog who would make a wonderful companion for a family without children. It is breaking my heart..we are going to lose a family member. We have called some no-kill/foster situations and they don't take older dogs. Right now, we are exploring our options.

The climate in this house is not enjoyable. I break into tears just thinking about it and my husband is miserable and doesn't talk about it. We don't handle stress well together. Our styles are so different.

Once again, it feels so cathartic just putting this stuff down. Thanks for listening.

Friday, June 30, 2006


I have been reading blogs at an alarming rate lately. I get into the mommy blogs and before I know it, I am over in the cooking blogs. I am still not sure what my blog is going to be about.

I thought I'd get started with the good ol' 100 things about me. I've seen this many places in the bloggin' world. I think they call it a "meme". That is funny, because that is what Owen calls my mother. That is what all her grandchildren call her. I think it does mean grandmother in some language.

1. I was born where I currently live.
2. I have met Janet Reno and Ken Starr.
3. I took a cross country trip in 1999 and went to 4 major league baseball games along the way.
4. I am very stubborn. When I was little, I always used to say "I do".
5. I got stitches two times by the time I was two.
6. I have already had 3 abdominal surgeries.
7. I am married to Mike Myers. No, not that Mike Myers.
8. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 1998.
9. I started dating my husband in the Outer Banks. It is one of my favorite places.
10. I attended an ivy league university: Cornell.
11. I still get a warm feeling when I drive into Ithaca (where Cornell is).
12. I majored in Industrial and Labor Relations.
13. I always wanted to go to law school.
14. One of the big reasons I wanted to go to Cornell was because our paper boy went there and I thought he was the coolest.
15. I used to play in a co-ed flag football league in D.C. I loved it!
16. My parents divorced when I was 10.
17. We had the craziest visitation schedule: Mon, Tues with Dad; Wed, Thurs with Mom. We alternated weekends and if we were with someone on Friday, Saturday, we went to the other house on Sunday. No surprise that I never felt settled.
18. I have 4 brothers: two are half brothers aged 17 and 15; the other two are 35 and 32.
19. Parenting is one area of my life where I feel very confident.
20. I love my church where I do not go often enough.
21. I am currently craving cheez whiz.
22. My favorite car ever was my 1993 Honda Prelude. I wish I still had it.
23. I played a lot of volleyball when I lived in D.C. I hope to return to it someday.
24. My first roommate in college was from Puerto Rico.
25. I want to become fluent in Spanish.
26. I have NO idea what I want to do when I grow up.
27. I enjoy my coworkers thoroughly--I miss them a lot now that I work remotely.
28. I am incredibly blessed in my life.
29. My dad's birthday is leap year.
30. My mom still climbs mountains at the age of 60.
31. The most secure place for me growing up was my grandmother's kitchen.
32. I used to correspond with my grandmother by mail even though we lived a few miles away. I still love to write real letters and receiving them: OHHHHHHHHHH, heaven!
33. I was very involved with a Christian youth group in high school. I took many good things away from that experience.
34. I want to go to Italy some day.
35. I want to take a cruise some day.
36. I went to an inner-city school for a half-year in 2nd grade. It was a somewhat traumatic experience. We were part of an experiment: the suburban-urban transfer (the opposite of bringing city kids to the suburbs for school).
37. My favorite food is chocolate, but it has to be dark.
38. I don't miss alcohol when I am pregnant--too much.
39. My greatest joy is hanging out with my husband and son.
40. I am an avid fan of the Wegmans grocery store. I received a scholarship from them for school.
41. My new favorite show is Grey's Anatomy--looking forward to next season.
42. Roanoke is the most beautiful city in which I have lived.
43. I broke a finger trying to catch a football. It hurts a woman to catch a football in the chest, but it hurts more to catch it with a finger.
44. Owen makes me laugh more than anyone.
45. My high school friends have gone on an annual "camping trip" for 16 years in a row. This year, we are going to a beautiful house in the Outer Banks.
46. My favorite national park (so far) is Zion. Climbing Angels' Peak changed my life.
47. I think life is too short to be bitter and angry.
48. I just celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary. It was the first event I have forgotten and my husband has remembered.
49. I am scared and thrilled to have twins.
50. I have found coming up with 100 things about me is hard.

I am going to take a break half-way and finish later.


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Lots of News

I guess when I wait for a period of time, I accumulate more things to write about. I can most definitely say I will never have this news again..

A little over 3 weeks ago, I had a positive pregnancy test. I got some blood work done to make sure my hcg levels were rising. I had had an ectopic pregnancy last time and this helps to indicate whether the pregnancy was progressing. The numbers were good. That gave me some peace of mind, but I was anxious to have an ultrasound and see the heartbeat.

I had my first appointment yesterday with the doctor. Surprisingly, they worked me in with the ultrasound tech that day. She began the ultrasound and once she got herself set up, she told me very plainly: there are two babies. I told her she had to be kidding. Nope, she wasn't. I was shocked and overcome with emotion. I conceived on Clomid, but it only increases your chances of multiples to 10%, so I just assumed there was one. SURPRISE! The due date for a singleton would be January 15, but with twins it should be earlier. Now, we are certainly not out of the woods at all. I have started to read about having multiples and am already making myself a little crazy. A good friend of mine said you already know what it is going to be like---just double everything from last time. I liked that logic, but my obsessive mind probably won't leave it at that.

So, our lives are going to change drastically and we'll manage. You never get more than you can handle, right? I don't know who exactly I'm writing this to, but it feels good to put it down. I can divulge my fears here, because in real life, I am supposed to be collected and excited. And, I am excited, just not able to wrap my head around this. I feel blessed beyond belief. I hope that God keeps everyone safe and healthy. Should be an interesting adventure...

I guess that is the biggest news I have to share. We are having Owen's birthday party this weekend. I am looking forward to that. Then, I have to go back to Dallas on Monday for the week. Hopefully, I won't have too much nausea. Nothing like being on a bumpy plane and feeling sick.

I guess that is all for now. I hope to make more regular updates. We shall see if I can come up with any other news.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

To blog it or not to blog it

As I have started to write, I realize that I can either be intensely personal in this blog or stay on the surface. My person would tend towards wanting to delve into personal matters. That being said, I'll have to limit who I tell about my blog. If I write about someone, I don't necessarily want them to read it here.

Fellow bloggers, do you only hand out your blog info to your "blog world". Do your parents, friends, co-workers, or in-laws read it? I am just curious. Some things I would love to journal are very personal and I'd be OK if strangers read it, but not people I know.

I think some of my lack of blogging has been due to the fact that I am not sure of all that I want to put out there. I guess time will help me figure that out.

I am still in Dallas this week. It has been a fine trip albeit hot. I always appreciate home a little more once I've been gone. I fly home tomorrow. We have a fun weekend coming up with family visiting and hopefully nice weather.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Actually, not everyone is doing it

I have started to tell people that I now have a blog. To say the least, the reaction is mixed. Some people hardly even know what a blog is. Can you believe it? It feels like I have entered an underworld. Will I find out more that I don't know about blogging?

I am taking a trip to Dallas next week for work. I look forward to it, actually. I get to interact with clients and co-workers. I miss that aspect of my job since working from home. I far prefer a domestic, one-week trip to a two-week trip to Venezuela. I will be perfectly content if I NEVER have to go there again. My last trip was by far the worst when I had to go to El Tigre, Venezuela. It is the MIDDLE of NOWHERE, Venezuela. Couple that with the fact that Venezuela is not always known for its safety, and it makes it the worst place I've ever been on this earth. But the people are VERY friendly.

I started reading Light on Snow by Anita Shreve--recommended by jennifer. I can already tell it is a good one.

The rain is coming down and it looks refreshing to me. It is as if the freshly budding trees and flowers are soaking it up for nourishment. I felt that way in therapy today. I realize that my blog just took a sharp turn to the personal. It was like a fresh rain to nourish me. I hadn't been in a few weeks and it was so nice to catch up and check in. I am not going to go again for 6 weeks because it appears as though everything is going pretty well for me right now. I feel ages better than I did a year ago at this time (even though I knew I'd be moving to Rochester at this time last year). It is amazing what a year of family, security, support and home has done for me. I look forward to more growth and love. I feel so blessed.

So, I hope that as my non-blogging friends read this, that they become enchanted with blogging like I have. It is a journal that can't be beat. I need to start doing some pics of Owen. Next on the list...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Everyone is doing it

I figured everyone else is doing this, so why shouldn't I? Actually, I feel like I am about 2 years behind what everyone is doing. I have been reading some friends' blogs and really enjoy it. It kind of feels like I can see another part of their lives.

One other reason I want to do this is to document more of the precious things my child says every day. I am TERRIBLE at writing these things down. Since I am on the puter every day, I figured maybe I'd have a better chance of writing it online.

So, I begin my blogging journey.